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  • karen Marie

It's not the destination, it's the journey getting there - My personal journey so far.

That quote has been a favourite of mine for a very long time. I've used it for travelling, success, writing, learning and even sex (You know what I mean - nudge nudge, wink wink). Life has been very kind to me, that's not to say I haven't had my fair share of pain and hurt, but overall, in my 42 years around the sun I've had a really really great time. It's been full of adventure, joy and laughter and I wouldn't change it for the world.

After leaving school at 16, you know the place that sets you up to be part of the matrix, is where my journey really began. I was soon to realise that there was so much more to this beautiful world of ours. I never knew what I wanted to do, and really I have no idea why they ask you that question in school anyway, but the one thing I knew I was certain of at that time was to go traveling.

I had been fortunate enough as a child to be taken to some really cool places, lots of travelling, planes, trains and automobiles style and I absolutely loved it. I loved to explore. Even at home I was out exploring on my bike. I knew that this would be one thing that I would eventually do and yep I done it, 5 years, long stints in my early 20's, yeh man! What a way to spend your time at that age. No ties + no responsibilities = no hanging around. I wasn't interested in getting a career, a house, a mortgage, being a slave to the system, no sirree that really wasn't for me. I got in credit card debt but for me, it was a case of 'because your worth it' thank you Loreal!

Instead I became a philosophical & spiritual traveler of the Earth. I learnt yoga, Reiki, I read the likes of the Celestine prophecies, feel the fear and do it anyway, Deepak Chopra and anything metaphysical, spiritual, that expanded my consciousness. Why do they not teach anything like this in school? I would have found it much more interesting!! I traveled and worked in Australia and Japan. A hostess in the latter (another story) and traveled extensively around SE Asia inc Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia & India and yes I thoroughly recommend it to anyone at whatever your age.

After travelling for such extended periods with friends and lovers and after one particular break up I realised and I must of been around 28 at the time that I wanted to come home. I eventually had got bored sitting in my hammock on a beach In Ko Pang Nan In Thailand (whaaaaat!) and wanted to return to my family and friends in my town where I had grew up, which I am still here today as it goes. Brentwood,Essex.

It was time. and you know they say once you go travelling that you find yourself, what you want to offer the world, well that wasn't really the case for me. Instead I got a job in London and for the next few years I partied like it was 99 ( thanks Prince). I had the best time. But I wasn't really fulfilled. Sure I was having a blast, but my work life was pretty boring. My stint as a mortgage broker before the 2008 crash was pretty great though. I realised I was pretty good at selling, authentic selling that is and also at that time I had a mini relationship with someone at my work, lets just say he was someone who I used to smoke weed, drink and have sex with after work. And then I found out I was pregnant. 33 years old.

Now this wasn't smooth sailing in the least. You know I said I wasn't fulfilled well this isn't exactly what I had in mind. I didn't even really like kids lol! It was a tough decision to make. I knew I never wanted to be with this fella but I also knew that this may be my only chance of having a baby and I was old enough, I was working, I had traveled, I was ready. Well, as ready as you'll ever be when having a child in your life! So I decided to keep my baby. I had the support of my family and really it all turned out tickety boo. The father wasn't around, but that was fine, his choice, I have no contact with him and that is fine with me and fine with my son who is now 10. It is his choice if he wants to search for 'The father' when he is older. We have recently found out that he actually died. All I can wish for is that he is now at peace. Love and light.

Having a child in my life made a profound difference to it. I now had someone else to be responsible for and that's exactly what I needed at this time in my life. I went to university for 6 years where I studied Naturopathy and Herbal medicine. I met up with my current man who was also an old friend of mine. Yeh that was weird first having sex with one of your friends, I mean where do you look for a start 😆 However, after the initial 'weirdness' of it we are still together to this day. 8 years in total.

Now this is where the pain has come in. I had 2 miscarriages and just when you think you can't get much worse than that. When your having a child that is. It did. I eventually fell pregnant again, 3 months went by, all was OK, this is it, this is for real this time. But sadly it wasn't. 6 days after my due date, my son went quiet in my belly. I tried not to think the worst but I think deep down you know that something isn't right. He was born alive but lack of oxygen had given him brain damage. He wasn't going to survive. Even if he did what quality of life would that of been for him, for us? This is one of the most awful things that can happen to a person. It's right up there with all the other, I can't believe this has happened to me, us, why me, why us? Yes tough. It's been 2 years now and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about what could of, should of been.

Now bad shit happens to good people and good shit happens to bad people, all of the time, that's the way it goes. Such is life, no one gets out of here alive. I could of become bitter, resentful, sad all the time. But since the death of Aiden, I have set out yet again to do some soul searching. For so long I had been pretty content, I thought I had it all together, had it all under control. Instead his death made me realise so much more about life. That you don't really have any control on outside influences, However, you do have control over yourself and how you react to circumstances. You have a choice of how you want to behave and act. How do you want to show up in the world? It's all in your hands.

Anything is possible. With the right guidance and by taking the time to really figure out what it is we want from this life and then putting in the effort to make it happen. For the most of us things aren't just handed to us on a platter. It's not just going to materialise from thin air. Some of us don't have a clue what we want do, So It's up to us to do some soul searching. Learn as much as you can about you and in turn you will learn so much about everyone else.

This blog is about what I have learned so far and what has helped me. I am on this journey with you. I am no expert, but I am full of sound, loving advice. Take from it what you will. We all have our own life path. One thing for sure though is your limits are just that - limits that you put upon yourself. They are not anyone else's. No one can tell you what you can and can't do. You always have a choice. Whatever your mission is here on Earth, do it from a place of love and you can't go wrong.

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